When I was a punk 8th grade wannabe gang banger, a pastor started a bible study in my hometown, and willingly took the time to hang out with me.

Back then, my understanding of the world was being shaped by hip hop culture, particularly successful black rap artists who had obtained excessive financial stability. To this day, 2pac’s voice is still deeply ingrained in my mind. I hear his signature inflection and zeal on that powerful ‘Hit Em Up’ track like the first time I played it on winamp. You remember that song? With anger and authority he declared without apology, “I’m a self made millionaire! Thug living, outta prison pistols in the air!” He made it! His net worth determined his place of value in the world. He commodified thug life! But he didn’t sell out. He kept it 100. Pac subverted cultural expectations of minority figures, and found global significance by going double quadruple platinum without compromising his convictions.

I wanted to be Pac. So so bad I wanted to be Pac. And so I played the part. I was a 5 Foot Nothing wannabe 13 year old Asian gangbanger with strange hair and sagging JNCO jeans. That was my state of being when this pastor took out a $20 bill from his pocket to illustrate a point. He asked me, “Mike, you see this green piece of paper? What does this signify? Whose money is this? Who owns this?”

I responded saying, “Man, you pulled that dub out your pocket, dawg. That’s your cash, man. Unless you stole it. But even then man, thug life, homie, that’s yo bread dawg."

He probably was at first puzzled by my usage of the English language, but eventually he responded saying, “Mike, this is God’s money. God has graciously entrusted this money with me. Everything I do with this money is accountable to God.” And he talked about a different kind of currency. A currency that carries over into the next age. The currency of faithfulness and obedience and love and godly character. It was a counter-narrative to what Pac and the NWA and Bone Thugs and even what the narrative of the American Dream was selling.

This song is my attempt at articulating that counter narrative of finding one’s sense of value in the world. It is painful/liberating to loosen our grip on (or to completely DIE to) a financial orientation of the world. Jesus strangely said, “Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” “Whoever loses his life, will save his life.” This song explores that painful liberation.

“Voices of women, voices of men / Tell me consider this age for the next / Even love must pass through loneliness"